TOHUWABOHU

(The Faithfulness of God into My Life)

I remember my experience during my childhood years, especially those moments I attended catechesis class. I remember one of my teachers or “ate” told us about the story of creation. According to her that God made the world in seven days and the apple was the forbidden fruit that was eaten by Adam and Eve. I grew up with this mentality at the same time I comprehended the meaning of the story of creation literally. I thought God really made the world in seven days and the apple was really the forbidden fruit by God to eat. Nobody corrects me of my belief even my parents. And when I entered in the seminary I found out that my belief was wrong especially the story of the forbidden fruit. I was clarified that it was not stated in the bible what kind of fruit it was. From that moment I am confident enough that my understanding about the story of creation was absolutely right. However, during our class with Fr. Manol I was amazed of what he was telling us during the class about the story of creation. My mind and my heart are open to a new horizon of learning about the story of creation. I was enlightened, corrected, and I was able to appreciate more the story of creation. This narrative is concerned with theological reality not a scientific history. This is not about how the world exists but it is for theological pastoral reason. This story is intended for the Israelites who where slaves in Babylon. It was their experience of ‘tohuwabohu’. God is nowhere to find and they felt that God abandoned them. In their exile experience they were aimless, empty and in a chaotic stage of life. Where is God? That was their cry during the exile. But God never leave nor abandon them. He is faithful to His chosen people from the beginning.

Is there any moment of my life that I feel God is absent? I asked myself. I thought that all of my dilemmas I experienced were the moments that God was absent. But I was wrong because I realized in my reflections that not even a minute or second in my life He abandoned me. He was always there at my side and at my back helping at the same time encouraging me to survive. I was ashamed to God when I realized that I was the one who dumped Him out of my life. Then as I remember all my dilemmas in my entire life I also reminisce the moments when everything seems so orderly. One of my concrete experiences was during my Pre-College years. That was the time I experienced order in my life. I was a faithful seminarian, prayerful and a good follower of the seminary’s rule of life. I never broke or dared to break the rules of the seminary. I was very focused at that time it seemed priesthood was the only option in my life. Those times I was on living orderly, beautifully, and fruitful life. When I was already a first year college seminarian that was the time I began to break some rules of the seminary. Though I was not caught in my drinking habits but I was caught that I had a relationship with the opposite sex. Because of that I was sent out. And “tohuwabohu” experience came into my life especially when I knew that I was the only one who was advised to leave the seminary. It seemed that I was the worst seminarian in the community at that time. Hatred, anger and aimless were the feelings in my life. I was angry to God; I blamed Him for not having fair decision done by the formators. I cursed the seminary that I will never ever come back in the formation. After six months of carrying the grudges I was able to rise again from the dark places where I was standing. Days, months, and years rolled by I was already a professional teacher “tohuwabohu” came again into my life. I had now the money, job, and a beautiful girlfriend still there was “tohuwabohu” in my life. There was something missing piece inside my heart and I did not know what it was. I always gave advices to my students to aim their goals in their life yet I myself was aimless with my life. I sought for spiritual guidance from my spiritual director. And he noticed my eyes that it seemed so problematic. With the help of my spiritual director in lightened my burden but “tohuwabohu” was still there.

Honestly, I did not know why God appeared in my life. For almost four years I walked out from Him, now He was commanding me to come back in the formation. But I ignored Him. And who am I not to say yes to Him? I am His creature and He is my creator. His patience and respect for me softened my heart of steel and changed my disposition. His tender power eased the pains inside my heart. The “tohuwabohu” was gone after I surrendered myself to Him. In this experience I remember that I am nothing without God. I need God all the days of my life even though God does not need me. After I said yes to Him and came back in the formation I feel I am complete, filled, and at peace. Two years and seven months passed by still I feel the same happy and peaceful at the same time living orderly, beautifully, and fruitfully my life.

What is the challenge then for me? As a theologian it is my task to share what I learned from the class with Fr. Manol about the story of creation. I will transmit it intelligibly and in a simplified way so that my parishioners will have a good and precise understanding of the story of creation. As priest to be it is my task also that I will never ever leaved the convent or parish where I am assign in times of difficulties. I must suffer with my people yet I must also be the source of hope to my people. Moreover I must not abuse my power as a priest rather the power of tenderness must prevail. Lastly, as theologian it is my task to be the model of faithfulness in times of “tohuwabohu”. I know it is hard to do yet this is the right thing to do. I asked God how to be faithful with Him in times of “tohuwabohu”? God answers me in my prayer He says, “ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS ROIMAR THAT YOU ARE MINE, I CREATED YOU AND I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU”. Listening these words from my creator makes me realize that as seminarian faithfulness, humility, patience and perseverance are what I need in times of “tohuwabohu”. Furthermore I remember what Galileo said about the bible, he says, “THE BIBLE TEACHES US HOW TO GO TO HEAVEN, NOT HOW THE HEAVENS GO.”

LOVING FATHER, MY CREATOR AND MY MASTER
TEACH ME TO BE FAITHFUL TO YOU IN TIMES OF TOHUWABOHU
GIVE ME LIGHT WHEN I AM IN THE DARK
GIVE ME HOPE WHEN EVERYBODY IS GIVING UP
GIVE ME COURAGE TO FIND YOU IN MY MISHAP
OPEN MY EYES TO APPRECIATE ALL THE THINGS YOU MADE
BY YOUR GRACE ENCOURAGE ME TO FULFILL MY TASK
AND THAT IS TO CARE AND PROTECT THE CREATION YOU MADE.
WHEN I AM TIRED, EMBRACE ME AS A CHILD
SO THAT I WILL FEEL YOUR TENDER LOVING CARE
BLESS ME, FORGIVE ME, AND MAY ALL THE GRACES
I NEED THROUGH OUT THE DAY YOU MAY SHOWER UPON ME.
GRANT THIS IN ACCORDANCE TO YOUR WILL. AMEN