TOHUWABOHU

(The Faithfulness of God into My Life)

I remember my experience during my childhood years, especially those moments I attended catechesis class. I remember one of my teachers or “ate” told us about the story of creation. According to her that God made the world in seven days and the apple was the forbidden fruit that was eaten by Adam and Eve. I grew up with this mentality at the same time I comprehended the meaning of the story of creation literally. I thought God really made the world in seven days and the apple was really the forbidden fruit by God to eat. Nobody corrects me of my belief even my parents. And when I entered in the seminary I found out that my belief was wrong especially the story of the forbidden fruit. I was clarified that it was not stated in the bible what kind of fruit it was. From that moment I am confident enough that my understanding about the story of creation was absolutely right. However, during our class with Fr. Manol I was amazed of what he was telling us during the class about the story of creation. My mind and my heart are open to a new horizon of learning about the story of creation. I was enlightened, corrected, and I was able to appreciate more the story of creation. This narrative is concerned with theological reality not a scientific history. This is not about how the world exists but it is for theological pastoral reason. This story is intended for the Israelites who where slaves in Babylon. It was their experience of ‘tohuwabohu’. God is nowhere to find and they felt that God abandoned them. In their exile experience they were aimless, empty and in a chaotic stage of life. Where is God? That was their cry during the exile. But God never leave nor abandon them. He is faithful to His chosen people from the beginning.

Is there any moment of my life that I feel God is absent? I asked myself. I thought that all of my dilemmas I experienced were the moments that God was absent. But I was wrong because I realized in my reflections that not even a minute or second in my life He abandoned me. He was always there at my side and at my back helping at the same time encouraging me to survive. I was ashamed to God when I realized that I was the one who dumped Him out of my life. Then as I remember all my dilemmas in my entire life I also reminisce the moments when everything seems so orderly. One of my concrete experiences was during my Pre-College years. That was the time I experienced order in my life. I was a faithful seminarian, prayerful and a good follower of the seminary’s rule of life. I never broke or dared to break the rules of the seminary. I was very focused at that time it seemed priesthood was the only option in my life. Those times I was on living orderly, beautifully, and fruitful life. When I was already a first year college seminarian that was the time I began to break some rules of the seminary. Though I was not caught in my drinking habits but I was caught that I had a relationship with the opposite sex. Because of that I was sent out. And “tohuwabohu” experience came into my life especially when I knew that I was the only one who was advised to leave the seminary. It seemed that I was the worst seminarian in the community at that time. Hatred, anger and aimless were the feelings in my life. I was angry to God; I blamed Him for not having fair decision done by the formators. I cursed the seminary that I will never ever come back in the formation. After six months of carrying the grudges I was able to rise again from the dark places where I was standing. Days, months, and years rolled by I was already a professional teacher “tohuwabohu” came again into my life. I had now the money, job, and a beautiful girlfriend still there was “tohuwabohu” in my life. There was something missing piece inside my heart and I did not know what it was. I always gave advices to my students to aim their goals in their life yet I myself was aimless with my life. I sought for spiritual guidance from my spiritual director. And he noticed my eyes that it seemed so problematic. With the help of my spiritual director in lightened my burden but “tohuwabohu” was still there.

Honestly, I did not know why God appeared in my life. For almost four years I walked out from Him, now He was commanding me to come back in the formation. But I ignored Him. And who am I not to say yes to Him? I am His creature and He is my creator. His patience and respect for me softened my heart of steel and changed my disposition. His tender power eased the pains inside my heart. The “tohuwabohu” was gone after I surrendered myself to Him. In this experience I remember that I am nothing without God. I need God all the days of my life even though God does not need me. After I said yes to Him and came back in the formation I feel I am complete, filled, and at peace. Two years and seven months passed by still I feel the same happy and peaceful at the same time living orderly, beautifully, and fruitfully my life.

What is the challenge then for me? As a theologian it is my task to share what I learned from the class with Fr. Manol about the story of creation. I will transmit it intelligibly and in a simplified way so that my parishioners will have a good and precise understanding of the story of creation. As priest to be it is my task also that I will never ever leaved the convent or parish where I am assign in times of difficulties. I must suffer with my people yet I must also be the source of hope to my people. Moreover I must not abuse my power as a priest rather the power of tenderness must prevail. Lastly, as theologian it is my task to be the model of faithfulness in times of “tohuwabohu”. I know it is hard to do yet this is the right thing to do. I asked God how to be faithful with Him in times of “tohuwabohu”? God answers me in my prayer He says, “ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS ROIMAR THAT YOU ARE MINE, I CREATED YOU AND I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU”. Listening these words from my creator makes me realize that as seminarian faithfulness, humility, patience and perseverance are what I need in times of “tohuwabohu”. Furthermore I remember what Galileo said about the bible, he says, “THE BIBLE TEACHES US HOW TO GO TO HEAVEN, NOT HOW THE HEAVENS GO.”

LOVING FATHER, MY CREATOR AND MY MASTER
TEACH ME TO BE FAITHFUL TO YOU IN TIMES OF TOHUWABOHU
GIVE ME LIGHT WHEN I AM IN THE DARK
GIVE ME HOPE WHEN EVERYBODY IS GIVING UP
GIVE ME COURAGE TO FIND YOU IN MY MISHAP
OPEN MY EYES TO APPRECIATE ALL THE THINGS YOU MADE
BY YOUR GRACE ENCOURAGE ME TO FULFILL MY TASK
AND THAT IS TO CARE AND PROTECT THE CREATION YOU MADE.
WHEN I AM TIRED, EMBRACE ME AS A CHILD
SO THAT I WILL FEEL YOUR TENDER LOVING CARE
BLESS ME, FORGIVE ME, AND MAY ALL THE GRACES
I NEED THROUGH OUT THE DAY YOU MAY SHOWER UPON ME.
GRANT THIS IN ACCORDANCE TO YOUR WILL. AMEN

GRACE: Walk your Talk

GRACE: Walk your Talk

According to St Augustine, “everything is grace.” I do believe and accept this as a norm of my life as a seminarian. Without this gift I’m just like a fruit tree bearing no fruits. Grace is very essential gift of God to us, especially for us responsible for transmitting His words to mankind. We must have this grace from God so that we will be invincible in our preaching ministry which is needed to our generation now. No matter who you are, no matter how intelligent you are if you don’t posses this gift your just nothing but a waste.

Honestly speaking one of my favorite teachers is Fr. Manol. I like the way he teaches and delivers his topics. What I like him most is that every time he delivers his discussion I feel “heavy” inside my heart. Not because his discussion is boring but because of the wisdom and the challenges behind it. Sometime I would ask, “kaya ba naku ning tanan na ginahagit sa ako ni Fr. Manol?” However I also get the answer from the class that God reveals gradually like what we observe in nature. Then I’d realize that I can do the challenges of priesthood someday with the guidance of the Lord and with His grace. I must nurture my relationship with God. I am the branch and God is the vine. With this relationship I know I can be a good preacher someday.

Here is one of my experiences about the gift of grace. During my college formation years I reported to a parish. After supper one of the priests in the convent offered a long- neck superior tanduay for us to pass the night. At around 10:30 pm he told me to give homily for tomorrow’s mass. I hesitated to accept it because I was drunk already. But he insisted because he had difficulty in his voice. Due to my obedience to him I accepted the offer. I was uneasy that night thinking what to share. My dizziness was gone because of the pressure given to me. Despite being uneasy and sleepy I prayed for enlightenment and the grace to understand the Sunday gospel. Fortunately around 12:30 am I was able to write what to share at mass the next day. No matter how uneasy you are; no matter how dizzy you are, no matter how sleepy you are if you pray and ask God for grace he will not abandon you. Rather he will bless you and grant your request. After I delivered my sharing in the pulpit the priest congratulated me for a job well done and for a nice and reflective sharing. And I told myself I can’t do that or reflect that way with out the grace from God. That’s why this word is really a big deal for me. Grace matters most in my life. All the success I’d achieve always comes from grace. That’s why I’d choose this theme for my theological reflection because it implies me of who am I. And I am hoping that I am a grace and not a disgrace.

What is the challenge then for me? I know that someday I will be an instrument of God in interpreting, explaining and transmitting the Sacred Scriptures to the faithful. It is my task then that I will explain the scripture vividly. I must not interpret the Sacred Scripture in my own words. Simple to tell that it is easy to make a homily but it’s not. That is why as tatak Viannista seminarian I should know how to interpret, explain and transmit the Sacred Scripture faithfully without addition or subtraction. How to do this: simply by asking the grace of God for enlightenment as you reflect Sacred Scripture to get its wisdom. In order to receive what you are asking for you must know how to listen and accept God’s voice. Openness is needed to oneself in order for him to receive the grace then as he waits for it he must know how to listen God’s voice because by doing this you would be able to transmit appropriately and interpret and explain the Sacred Scripture in a faithful manner.

And the biggest challenge of being a priest is how you apply all the teachings of Christ into your life. Are you just a preacher, talker, speaker and your lifestyle is against what you are preaching about? Many of us are a good speaker yet not in action. Jesus Christ is the model, a man of His words and deeds. That’s why we are encouraged to do the same. There is an old saying that states, “Words can convince but works can convert.” Convincing is essential but we need conversion also. That’s why the challenge then is that these two are inseparable they must go together. Like what our discussions in the previous meetings we’ve talk about words and deed. That words interpret and give meaning to the deeds, while the deeds are the actualization and fulfillment of the words. Both are important then as preacher to be we must posses this character because people today need modeling and modeling should start in the leader so that the members will follow. A future priest someday needs the grace to walk his talk. When will I practice it? KABAG-UHAN NOW NA! BAHALAG GRADUAL LANG! As early as this stage I should practice what I am trying to prove myself in the near future as a priest that walk his talk. Is it impossible? No! There’s nothing impossible with God’s grace. Amen…



DEAR FATHER ALMIGHTY

SOURCE OF ALL THE GRACES I NEED

BLESS ME IN MY DAILY ENDEAVOR

AS I FOLLOW YOU FAITHFULLY

TEACH ME EVERY TIME I REFLECT YOU THROUGH THE BIBLE

ENLIGHTEN MY MIND AND HEART AS I TRY TO KNOW YOU.

ENCOURAGE ME TO PURSUE SEEKING YOU

AND BY SEEKING AND FOLLOWING YOU MANY PEOPLE

WILL REALIZE HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM SO.

USE MY MIND AS I STUDY YOU

USE MY LIPS AS I TALK ABOUT YOU

USE MY HANDS AND FEET TO ACT WHAT I PREACH.

WITHOUT YOU THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO.



I ASK THIS THROUGH JESUS CHRIST YOUR SON OUR LORD

WHO LIVES AND REIGNS WITH YOU

AND THE HOLY SPIRIT

ONE GOD FOREVER AND EVER

AMEN